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Why Donald Trump Would Be Good For The Buffalo Bills

Bills Trump

Generation Text isn’t familiar with Jim Kelly. They don’t remember the four straight Super Bowls. When they hear Buffalo they think of the wings, not the team. The most relevant football story in Buffalo is the frustrating fantasy time-share between C.J. Spiller and Fred Jackson.

Trump: The Buffalo “Dollar” Bills

Donald Trump Buffalo BillsLosing sucks. In fact, it’s the worst.

Rooting for a team that can’t conquer its own ineptitude is a challenge of Olympian proportions. Watching defeat snatched from the jaws of victory makes you want to wash your eyes out with soap and chug the nearest bottle of Drano. Believe me, I would know. I’m a Washington Redskins fan.

But you know what’s worse than losing? Being irrelevant.

And that’s what the Buffalo Bills are. Nine straight sub-.500 seasons. Zero playoff appearances since 1999, the longest active streak in the NFL. Absolutely no buzz worthy news outside of the Mario Williams signing in 2012. Not only are the Bills bad, but they barely even register in the NFL’s public consciousness. They suffer from football’s version of middle child syndrome.

Generation Text isn’t familiar with Jim Kelly. They don’t remember the four straight Super Bowls. When they hear Buffalo they think of the wings, not the team. The most relevant football story in Buffalo is the frustrating fantasy time-share between C.J. Spiller and Fred Jackson.

New York is New York. It doesn’t matter if you’re based in the city or all the way upstate. There’s a certain attitude and way of thinking. Winning is the rule, not the exception. Failure is not acceptable in any market. The Bills have used up all of their homegrown good will.

With the recent passing of Ralph Wilson, Buffalo is looking for a new owner. They need an entire culture change, someone to come in and start lighting fires under asses. They need a fresh new mindset that starts at the top and trickles down to all levels of the franchise.

They need Donald Trump.

If there ever was an owner to drag a franchise out of the depths of obscurity, it’s The Donald. People need to be reminded that the Bills still exist. They’ve spent more than a decade being a punching bag for the divisional big brother Patriots. It’s time for them to start countering.

Trump is a brash, loud-mouthed maniac with hair worse than the Bills’ regular season record. He’s also an insanely successful business man who knows how to manipulate the spotlight and drum up public interest. Can you imagine him pulling out all of the stops for Bills promotions? How great would it be to see him clash with Roger Goodell and accumulate fines like T.O. in his prime? The man attracts attention; it’s just what he does.

Trump would be the necessary injection of life in an otherwise dead franchise. If Dr. Frankenstein combined Jerry Jones’ absurdity, Mark Cuban’s lack of a filter and Dan Snyder’s ego, he’d get Trump. And that’s a good thing for a franchise severely lacking headlines. Hans Gruber, Keyser Soze, The Joker: people like scene stealing villains more than they like the hero.

I’m not saying his presence would translate to wins on the field. But at least he’d remind people that the Bills are still here. Probably in the most boisterous ways possible. And who knows, maybe a little excitement and attention for this once proud franchise is all that’s needed to get the ball rolling. They’ve got a good running game. They’re not far off from having a solid defense. They just added an elite talent in Sammy Watkins to help EJ Manuel develop. Maybe all that’s missing is an attitude adjustment and a reinsertion into the NFL lexicon.

I know Trump’s United States Football League “caved like the Buffalo Bills in the Super Bowl,” (sorry, had to fit that Heavyweights reference in here somewhere). I know he’s not an entirely likable figure. But he has the public persona and right amount of cockiness to steer this franchise back from the abyss and establish a swagger only winners are accustomed to having.

The Buffalo Bills are irrelevant. No one outside of their fan base cares about them. No one outside of their fan base pays any attention to them. Trump can change all of that with one wisp of his genetically modified hair.

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