NFL Power Rankings

At the time I’m writing this, every single headline on ESPN’s NFL page pertains to various injuries around the league. Clearly the NFL is built and ready for an eighteen game season, there’s absolutely no way things could go wrong.

Not time for an actual intro this week, let’s get right to the rankings.

1) New England Patriots
Is there really all that much separating New England from Pittsburgh from Atlanta from any team in the top seven? It feels completely pointless to speculate. They’re all good to great teams with noticeable flaws, New England just has the better history of masking them.

2) Pittsburgh Steelers
Close call with the Bills, but the Bills play everyone close. In a league where everyone is separated by less than ten points, the fact they can manage to pull out coin flip wins when a window is opened, is exactly what earns any team a top ten spot here.

3) Atlanta Falcons
Outside of Cincinnati, they haven’t played a single pushover this season. And yet, they’re 9-2. I’m still reluctant to trust them I the playoffs, but the four game winning streak their on does instill confidence.

4) New Orleans Saints
I keep hearing how this team is significantly inferior to last season’s, but with the relative inconsistency amongst the rest of the NFC elite (save for Atlanta), is there any reason I should be so confident they are not returning to the Superbowl? They still have the best quarterback and arguably the best coach in the conference.

5) New York Jets
It’s very, very northeast-centric. But I am loving this developing rivalry with the Patriots. Maybe it has always been a rivalry, I don’t know. But while the tone and tenor of it is indicative of what I hate most about the NFL, Rex Ryan’s frankness makes this one worthwhile.

6) San Diego Chargers
This probably seems high for a 6-5 team, but I try to base my rankings on who I think would win on a neutral field. And to be honest, if anything, this is probably too low.

7) Chicago Bears
I guess we have to put to rest claims of fraudulence for the time being. That was a thoroughly dominant win against a red hot Eagles team. Of course, with last night’s win over Houston the Eagles have played four games in seventeen days. That may have played a role, but the Bears had the wherewithal to pull out the win.

8) Philadelphia Eagles
I’m not counting factoring last night’s win into the rankings, as it seems inequitable to do so. And while it was a win, it probably wasn’t doing them any favors.

9) Baltimore Ravens
They better get home field advantage, as they’re only 3-3 on the road and need it more than any of the other top four teams in the AFC standings.

10) Green Bay Packers
It’s becoming more and more clear that this team is strictly too banged up to make a serious run at a Superbowl. When this offense is running on all cylinders though, it’s the best the league has to offer. It’s just tough to pull off with an offensive line that couldn’t block a Big Wheel.

11) New York Giants
Quite the precipitous fall for the G-Men. Let’s just say I wasn’t overly impressed with their win over the Jacksonville Obscurities.

12) Kansas City Chiefs
Color me with shades of impressed and surprised that they still have the division lead this late into the year. It won’t last, most likely, as San Diego is like the bizarro Bears, in that they start off every seasons with a slew of bad beats only to turn it around by the midway point. But still, between Bowe, Charles, Flowers, and a slew of others, there’s finally a foundation in KC.

13) Indianapolis Colts
I still think this team is closer to their 2009 form than most, but they need to actually, you know, prove it.

14) Tampa Bay Buccaneers
The good news for Tampa: Everyone is so depleted and so incapable of stringing together consecutive wins that they don’t drop far after a loss. The bad news: They weren’t all that high to begin with.

15) Miami Dolphins
With Cleveland, Buffalo, New England, NY Jets and Detroit as their remaining opponents, there isn’t another team in the league that I’m more certain about their 8-8 finish.

16) Jacksonville Jaguars
In short: Every game remaining on their schedule is winnable, in fact they should be a favorite in three or (possibly) four of them. If they make the Superbowl, it’s going to be the closest the NFL gets to TCU making the BCS Title Game. Except that, you know, they will have won it on the field, after being given the chance to do so.

17) Houston Texans
And topping off the second half the the league, like usual, is the Houston Texans. Now that Wade Phillips and Brad Childress have been shown the door, is there another coach that needs replaced more urgently than Kubiak?

18) St. Louis Rams
This is quite likely a playoff team, thanks to the current divisional alignment. I really don’t understand this, if everyone is going to be so panicked about a sub-.500 team making the post-season, just go back to three divisions per conference instead of four. Presto! I just resolved the latest NFL issue of dire importance.

19) San Francisco 49ers
I don’t know if anyone has noticed, probably not since no one reads these, that I have a tendency to group the NFC West teams together. Meanwhile, I’m fully prepared to be embarrassed by my Troy Smith post from earlier this week when he throws two pick-six’s to Green Bay this Sunday.

20) Minnesota Vikings
Has there been a less inspiring win than what the Vikings did on Sunday? A four point win over a team shrouded in controversy and saddled with limited talent everywhere on the field. Great job, guys. Vikings fans probably hope you leave for LA at this point.

21) Oakland Raiders
This team is still very much alive for the playoffs. I’m hoping they realize that. They’ve actually made this season’s 4PM games during bye-weeks watchable, and for that I am indebted to them.

22) Cleveland Browns
Feels low, but they have an uncanny way of blowing games they should win, dating back to week one. After awhile, it’s more of a trend that speaks to a systemic problem than it is bad luck.

23) Dallas Cowboys
They should probably be higher on the list, but I doubt that’s consoling any Cowboys fans at this point. Plus, they still have Roy Williams.

24) Tennessee Titans
Rusty Smith. My advice? Lay the points.

25) Seattle Seahawks
Oustide of a win against the Cardinals three weeks ago, they’ve been outscored 150-53 in their last four games. In a league that is almost hampered by parity, the Seahawks still manage to play like they’re in the AFC in the 80′s.

26) Buffalo Bills
I kind of liked Steve Johnson blaming God for his professional shortcomings. If every player is going to thank God for every minor success experienced on the field, it’s only appropriate they also blame God for their failures. I admire the consistency.

27) Washington Redskins

This team has played in three overtime games this season, won two of them and should have beaten Houston in week two. So they’re resilient, which I’m sure Mike Shanahan will get all the credit for. Also, there’s an 85% chance they lose out to finish the season.

28) Detroit Lions
I can’t keep sobbing over this team’s misfortune every week. So instead, let’s acknowledge they probably have five more wins if Stafford plays the full season.

29) Denver Broncos
So which quarterback are they drafting this year? Kellen Moore? It’s a shame DeMarcus Robinson isn’t a junior, because they would totally draft him in the top ten.

30) Cincinnati Bengals
What a season. Are they eventually going to start shopping Carson Palmer and actually attempt to put together an actual NFL team as opposed to ticket bait?

31) Arizona Cardinals
It looks like you can only rely on defensive touchdowns for so long until your offense is completely exposed.

32) Carolina Panthers
Who’s f*cked more fantasy teams this season, Mike Goodson or Peyton Hillis? It’s probably closer than you think.