Gridiron Experts Power Rankings

There hasn’t really been an overriding theme in the last couple weeks of the NFL season. But given the matchups, the contenders managed to separate a little from the pretenders in week thirteen. While last week we couldn’t distinguish the #1 team from the #7 , this week New England, the Pennsylvania representation and Atlanta established themselves as the four favorites to make the two title games.

Man, I can’t wait to be wrong about that. Onto the rankings.

1) New England Patriots
Look at who they’ve played, who they’ve beaten and how they’ve won; and you’ll see there isn’t much debate that they’ve separated – even if just a little – from the field. What a difference a week makes.

2) Pittsburgh Steelers
The phrase “nose rearranged” has been said so many times by ESPN “analysts” and other NFL “personalities”, that it’s starting to sound more like an actual medical term and less like a bad joke making its way through the NFL echo chamber. “What’s the diagnosis, doctor?” “I’m afraid your son has a Rearranged Nose. I’m terribly sorry.”

3) Philadelphia Eagles
I’m not reading too much into the Bears loss. As long as Michael Vick isn’t fighting domesticated house pets, they should be the top NFC team for awhile.

4) Atlanta Falcons
Still not exactly sold on Atlanta. They’re the Ravens of the NFC, but with a better quarterback and in the weaker conference.

5) New Orleans Saints
Give Sean Peyton credit, he knows who’s vulnerable to being drawn off-sides under the most blatantly obvious circumstances. Still, no one who won a Superbowl should be that close to a loss against this Bengals team. Nobody.

6) Green Bay Packers
I have them behind the Saints because I don’t trust their durability. But I still contend their isn’t a better offense to watch in the NFL.

7) New York Giants
This team is officially under the radar. Odd, being that they’re in New York. And quarterbacked by a Manning. I mean, not Jacksonville under the radar, but for a New York team, this is as close to being the Islanders as the Giants have ever been.

8) Baltimore Ravens
Give them credit, at least they didn’t lose to their primary division rival by forty-two points.

9) Chicago Bears
They seem to play their best games against good teams and their worst games against bad teams. It’s working for them, and if they knock off New England next week when the Pats are coming off a short week, they’ll sneak into the top six.

10) New York Jets
They’re, like, four plays away from being a .500 team. Call it the doldrums of an NFL season (though I’m not sure there can be any in a sixteen game season), but this team is playing borderline disinterested right now. Still, all that talent they acquired in the uncapped year is keeping them competitive.

11) Kansas City Chiefs
This team has won their last two games by scoring 42 and 10 points. In other words, there’s a number of ways they can win. One more San Diego and Oakland loss, and they all but have the division wrapped up.

12) Jacksonville Jaguars
They’re 7-5, leading the AFC South, and a game against Indy two weeks from now that will essentially be to clinch the division. I’ve had my fun with Jags and the nationwide ambivalence movement regarding their popularity, but if they keep Manning out of the playoffs, well, I’ll take it all back by pretending this team will still be in Jacksonville by 2012.

13) Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Another week, another close loss to a playoff team for Tampa. One non-locked out season too early for the Bucs, I’m afraid.

14) Oakland Raiders
They bucked the trending momentum for both them and San Diego this week. I still think they’re going 8-8, which is good for morale and every fan of the team who doesn’t want to dump millions into another top eight pick that may or may not pan out.

15) San Diego Chargers
Looks like their indifference to the first six weeks of the season is finally going to catch up to them. I hear Marty Schottenheimer is looking for work.

16) Indianapolis Colts
Peyton Manning keeps you in the top half of the league this year, even amidst a three game losing streak and mediocre play from the hall of famer. It’s almost like, the other players on the field matter.

17) St. Louis Rams
Better than expected, but I still can’t pick them to beat any playoff or playoff-caliber teams. The only team more in need of playmakers than Tampa is the Rams.

18) Cleveland Browns
It took Chad Henne to make Jake Delhomme look like a pro quarterback again. I actually had a friend bring up how great Delhomme was in the second half of his Superbowl against the Pats in 2002. I felt ridiculous pointing out that the game took place almost seven years ago. Has anyone turned a single half of football into an entire career. Take notes, Alex Smith, under the right circumstances, this could be you someday.

19) Miami Dolphins
Doesn’t it feel like this team should be considerably worse than 6-6? Also, can I take back my pre-season Chad Henne screed? I’m not even going to bother linking to it.

20) Seattle Seahawks
I still haven’t watched a single down of Seahawks football this season. I don’t have any fantasy players from them, I’m not gambling on a team this erratic and whether they won or lost, they haven’t played a game that ended inside twelve points since week six (a three point win against the Bears). So yes, the best of the bottom twelve feels right.

21) Dallas Cowboys
If they still had Tony Romo, this would be the highest ranked power ranking consensus 5-7 team (I’m giving them the Saints win if Romo plays) in the history of league. But they don’t, so they’re 21st. Congrats, ‘Boys!

22) Minnesota Vikings
Was Brad Childress that bad of a coach, or was the team that dissatisfied with him? If the latter, does that make him the former? I don’t know, but this team is starting to play themselves right out of the pick that will be needed to acquire the quarterback they need.

23) Houston Texans
They’ve lost five of their last six. It’s a shame Rusty Smith can’t start for all their opponents.

24) Tennessee Titans
They’ve lost five in a row and show no signs of returning to their 2008 glory. I like how ownership is simply forcing Jeff Fisher and Vince Young to cohabitate. It’s like War of The Roses, but with a better chance they both end up dead.

25) San Francisco 49ers
Alex Smith is coming back, baby! That makes sense. Being 1-2 in the last three games, clearly something was wrong with Troy Smith (3-2 as a starter) and everything systemic within the team and organization is in tip-top shape. Bring back the quarterback that started them 1-6, I say!

26) Buffalo Bills
I know Ryan Fitzpatrick has surprised a lot of people in and outside of upstate New York, but they’re not actually regarding him as a long term solution and they’re still drafting a quarterback, right? Or barring the colossal mistake of doing just that, they’re at least taking an offensive lineman? Both AJ Green and Mark Ingram will look tempting in the top five, but that really isn’t their problem.

27) Washington Redskins
I like how everyone’s surprised that a team whose best skill player is Keiland Williams isn’t producing wins. This is confirmation that talent still kinda matters in the NFL.

28) Cincinnati Bengals
Signs of life in week thirteen? Now that’s the Bengals I know from 1995-2004.

29) Detroit Lions
This team couldn’t be anymore tragic. They’re the half-faced man from Boardwalk Empire of the NFL.

30) Denver Broncos
Will this be the third team this season to fire their coach and immediately improve? Probably not, as Josh McDaniels spent his entire coaching stint with the Broncos insuring that his successor would fail miserably.

31) Arizona Cardinals
Ken Wisenhunt might be pulling a McDaniels. They might as well start trying out actors who played quarterbacks in movies. James Van Der Beek as the kid from Varsity Blues can’t be much worse than what they’ve played with so far.

32) Carolina Panthers
This team loses in every way imaginable, by margins large and small, on the road and in the cozy, character-deficient city of Charlotte. The Carolina Panthers keep their fans in suspense of not if they will lose, but how they will lose; and these days, that is the rarest of feats.