NFL Fraternity: The Who’s Who

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Published: July 21, 2011

NFL Fraternity: The Who’s Who

NFL Hazing
In college, fraternities are quite popular all across the country.

Every member of a fraternity fills a specific role. Similarly, every member of a football team performs a certain duty.

Without those roles and duties, everything would fall apart. Organization and structure would be completely lost. However, beyond just an Xs and Os stand point; certain personalities make both associations more fun and enjoyable.

Without those charismatic and engaging figures, all of the childish fun is lost and an organization has about as much personality as John McCain. We need “those guys” to maintain excitement just as we need the leaders to keep the organization afloat.

So, without further ado, I present to you the NFL Fraternity.

President/Vice President: Tom Brady/Peyton Manning

Honestly, these two guys are interchangeable in these positions. Both are the unquestioned leaders of their teams whom everyone looks to for guidance. When they talk in the huddle, people listen.

Beyond that, they are two of the smartest players in the entire NFL. Brady’s uncanny ability to make reads on his receivers and take advantage of a mismatch is a big reason why the Pats are always atop the standings.

Similarly, Peyton Manning is a video fiend. He is constantly studying and knows opposing defenses better than anyone. His pre-snap adjustments are legendary. No one is in more control of the offensive line’s blocking duties, blitz pick-ups, receiver routes, etc. than this guy. Not to mention, his commercials are hilarious.

The president of a fraternity is constantly steering the chapter back on track when they routinely lose focus. When they find trouble (and believe me, it shadows most fraternities like a bodyguard) they always finds a way to bail them out.

In this regard, his duties vary only slightly from Brady and Manning’s. The only difference is that they have multi million dollar contracts, are blessed with impeccable athletic ability and lead grown men who want to win Super Bowls. Most college fraternity presidents drive cars that literally can’t go in reverse, play on a losing intramural football team and has to deal with immature debauchery on a daily basis.

The Alumni: Brett Favre

Brett Favre simply couldn’t let go of the glory days. He had to keep coming back despite his age to take part in one more go around after another.

Realistically, he did this because he loves the sport of football. He still wanted to contribute to the game he had given his life to and that is admirable. But at some point, enough is enough.

Side Note: Jenn Sterger is one of the few people who knows the exact size of Brett Favre’s ego AND his junk.

As far as fraternities go, all of them have those few alumni who show up every weekend to party and yell at pledges. These grown men have full time jobs and responsibilities yet still find time to compete in events such as “Bro Fest” and “Pledge Auction.”

Brett Favre eventually hung it up. Maybe they should too.

The Talented Journey Man: Terrell Owens

T.O. has been on five teams in his career. He is controversial, divisive and often inspires some verbal jabbing.

He has gotten around the league during his career and will be hoping to sign on with yet another team once the lockout ends. At 36 years old, Owens proved to still be productive by snaring 72 balls for 983 yards and 9 tuddies last season.

His career arc reminds me of fraternity brothers who get around in a different way. Come on, we all know what I am talking about.

There are certain college males who are quite popular with the opposite sex. Similar to Owens, their reputation almost always precedes them. Catfights break out because of who they were or weren’t with and everyone has their own opinion of them. Often their escapades lead them into trouble. But, they’re quite good at scoring (Sorry, I couldn’t resist. The lame pun was staring me right in the face).

The Party Guy: Chad OchocincoChad Ochocinco

Every Sunday, we always see at least a few guys flagged for excessive celebration. At college, we always see at least a few guys bring a whole new meaning to excessive celebration.

Chad Ochocinco is the undisputed champ of touchdown partying. His creative boasting has cost him a total $67, 500 in fines for his career. His antics have included the use of pylons, pantomiming, Mexican apparel and other “Did he really just do that?” type stunts.

Let’s be real, any dude who literally changes his last name to “Ochocinco” obviously doesn’t take things too seriously. Despite his outlandishness and constant distractions, I can’t help but like the guy because he is charismatic and you just never know what he’ll do next. If you don’t think he adds an element of excitement to the game both on and off the field than I have only one thing to say to you, “Child, please!”

If you’re in college, I have no doubt that the previous description can be applied to at least one of your friends when the weekends roll around. But, instead of footballs, they use Bud Light, Captain Morgan and an assortment of other alcoholic beverages to spark their “excessive celebrations.”

Side Note: College is a place where you will see things you will never see again. Inebriated friends are prone to doing stupid things such as consuming urine, poorly aiming throw-up, getting tattoos in precarious locations and public displays of sexual acts.

Second Side Note: College is f***ing amazing!!!

If you have any ideas for players and what their fraternity position is, let us know in the comments section!

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Discussion8 Comments

  1. Jordan says:

    Great article. I love the idea. Who would be the treasurer? Who would be the house “parent?”

    I feel like Kris Jenkins would make a good house parent – he is grizzled veteran, but also reminds me of a Teddie Bear lol.

  2. Jane says:

    Interesting perspective – never looked at a team that way, but you’re right…now, who gets expelled?

  3. Brandon says:

    Thanks for the comment, Jordan.

    Great question. I think treasurer would have to be one of the player reps such as Jeff Saturday. Guys who are intelligent, well organized and informed. I think Kris Jenkins for house parent would make a lot of sense haha.

  4. John says:

    Brett Favre is actually Van Wilder. Not a frat boy…just someone clinging to the last of his glory days

  5. Allison says:

    Another well written article, and really interesting idea. You should expand more on this, i would be interested to know what other players you think fit the profile of typical key frat members.

  6. Brandon says:

    Thanks for the comment, John.

    Haha that is actually a fantastic call. Should have made that point in the article. I respect you movie knowledge. Well played.

  7. Rhegar says:

    When thinking about it, I must say, you’re on to something. A football team is a lot like a fraternity…they practice together, eat together, bleed together, complain together, win together, lose together, party together, etc. I think you can expand this article to include additional roles, but it was a good idea that you executed well. I’ll see you on the trident.

  8. Eric says:

    Love the idea! What about the troublemaker? You know there’s always that imbecile in the fraternity getting into shenanigans, whether it be with the dean or the police… Perhaps Plaxico or Vick?

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